Every social network has some type of “follow” or “friend” feature that allows you to build communities on those networks.
While there has been much debate over whether the number of friends or followers you have mean anything, there has been less discussion over the rejection that one may feel because of a friend or follower request being turned down or of someone unfollowing or defriending that person. Digital rejection is becoming an increasing issue. This becomes an increasingly more serious issue when there is a developed relationship either as a friend, colleague, ex-lover, or family member.
A recent CNN article explored social media rejection and found that rejection on social networks can actually hurt worse the rejection is more impersonal. Defriending, unfollowing or other forms of rejections occur with a simple click. In person people are usually more polite.
Furthermore, in person we have the capabilities to read body language, facial expressions, analyze speech and other techniques that alerts us to an issue with our friends, colleagues or other acquaintances. Social networks don’t allow for this. Even if the person you’re sending the friend request to, say on Facebook for instance, doesn’t accept the request and sends you a message with reasoning, it is still written word. Most of us don’t write in the same manner we speak. Also, it is harder near impossible to decipher emotions and nonverbal cues online. Couple this with the fact that many people, including me, accept the majority of requests received, it can make those that opt to assess their requests more carefully seem like bad guys.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this article and I’m curious how YOU deal with social media rejection. Do you take it personally? Do you feel rejected when you’re defriended or a request is turned down? How do you handle it?
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Photo by: Bludgeoner86
Do you think social media rejection is a problem? How do you deal with it? Think it hurts more than in real-life? http://bit.ly/5SCPX
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Dealing with Social Media Rejection | Justin R. Levy http://bit.ly/1eQ8An
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Dealing with Social Media Rejection | Justin R. Levy: Every social network has some type of follow or friend fe.. http://bit.ly/Vi8Qu
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Dealing with Social Media Rejection http://bit.ly/1qUHmI #sCRM #PR #marketing
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Dealing with Social Media Rejection | Justin R. Levy http://ow.ly/ykSi
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@justinlevy deals with rejection. http://bit.ly/bM2sW #socialmedia
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I did my PodCampHFX talk on how and why you should unfriend people, so no, I don't take it personally. I don't really think anyone should. Unless it's someone you know in real life, and is a real, actual friend (not the bastardized version of that term we use online), I don't think you should feel any sense of rejection.
My talk: http://vimeo.com/2968916
Dealing with Social Media Rejection http://bit.ly/4hhBn8
#socialmedia
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on social media rejection http://bit.ly/4wryZi does it bother you? (bothers me, when from people i hold in high esteem)
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Hey Justin,
People shouldn't get too worked up about un-friending. I often think “Why wouldn't this person want to accept my friendship? I'm a pretty nice guy.” Instead of speculating on the myriad of reasons why you have been rejected or deleted, I like to see it as an opportunity to further authenticate my network. I purged my Facebook account recently and saw a few “friend requests pending” I wished they had accepted but c'est la vie. I'm much happier now because my “friend” list is more authentic and stronger because of it.
Justin
While we all may not write the way that we speak per se, we all do speak in a certain way whether written or spoken. Yes face to face there is body language and some feel more at ease when they write as opposed to being in front of people but we all have certain things that we say that is consistent. No avoiding it.
Rejection is tough whether it be not being friended or tweeting someone and they ignore you as you have not built your credibility with them. Everyone wants to feel wanted and important and with social media valuable. Some get discouraged, others work hard to become a part of the “cool kids”. It is what is within and how you handle it. Earn the respect to be embraced and engaged. Being ignored is tough but also a testament to how hard you are willing to work and learn about being accepted.
How do I handle rejection? I roll my eyes, shrug my shoulders and then think how bad to I want to be in this person's circle and if it is something where I learn and where I can be valuable, you better believe I will work hard to get in. Listen more and then react.
Good stuff!
Suz
The comments on my post about dealing with social media rejection are great. Your thoughts? http://bit.ly/5SCPX
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@justinlevy Social Media Rejection. How do you deal? http://bit.ly/5SCPX (SH: I cry on my couch w/ a bottle of wine. Perfect cure.)
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Life’s 2 short; don’t internalize! RT @unmarketing: RT @justinlevy: Dealing w/social media rejection. http://bit.ly/5SCPX
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You just gave 25 Yrs of PhD Theses for PostGrads! RT @unmarketing: RT @justinlevy: http://bit.ly/5SCPX
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I'm not sure what is happening in our society the last few decades, but I feel like people are just getting softer and softer. We are so fragile, everything has to be politically correct, or we get offended. Now people are getting their feelings hurt because someone does not follow them back on a social network?! People, get over it. Grow some skin and deal with it.
I only follow people on twitter that I feel will share information that will be relevant to me. No one's tweets are always relevant, but I just look for people with related interests and/or industries. If you do not appear to be relevant to me, then I do not follow you. It is not because you are a lesser, unimportant human being. It is because I do not care about arts, crafts, and being a mom.
If you are offended or hurt by such a scenario, I would suggest the problem is your own mental well-being. People need to have a little more belief in themselves, and not rely on a social network friend lists to tell them they are valuable in life.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but I think people need to be stronger, and have more self-confidence. Rejection is a part of life. No one is great at everything. You will get rejected for jobs, you will get rejected by friends, you will get rejected by some random person you met at an event and thought would become a friend. If you develop your own perspective of self-worth and value out of your rejections you will live a depressing life, dictated by the negative actions of others.
You're better than that. I know you are. Even if I don't follow you on twitter.
I think one of the biggest reasons this is such a hot topic is that conceptual rejection and actual rejection feel very different. When I think of conceptual rejection, I feel the way the other commentators feel. No big deal.
When it comes to specific rejection, the answer changes. I don't care if [random person] follows me back. But we all have a little list of people in our monkeysphere that are really important to us. And if THEY reject us, it stings. Is that because we're thin skinned? I don't think so. I think it's because we're human, and certain connections are important to us.
I don' t think I want to live in a world where we're able to totally accept rejection. Handling these things with a total lack of emotion indicates that social media isn't nearly as personal or authentic as we're trying to make it out to be.
Interesting discussion Justin. I commented on a similar post regarding Twitter lists earlier (coincidentally also authored by a Justin) and the inevitable drama over who is on what list, etc. My thinking is closely aligned with Erik – if people get bent out of shape about being rejected, they may want to look at what they are projecting to the world and check to make sure it's appealing to those who they seek acceptance from.
Rejection is part of life. We've all been there in one form or another. That doesn't mean that we should excuse people being assholes, but we can't insulate ourselves from reality either. Look at some of the most successful people in the world – many of them were rejected earlier in life and/or their careers and that rejection provided the driving force to succeed. FDR comes to mind. There are countless others.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but social media rejection will never hurt me.
Thanks for the discussion.
I think one of the biggest reasons this is such a hot topic is that conceptual rejection and actual rejection feel very different. When I think of conceptual rejection, I feel the way the other commentators feel. No big deal.
When it comes to specific rejection, the answer changes. I don't care if [random person] follows me back. But we all have a little list of people in our monkeysphere that are really important to us. And if THEY reject us, it stings. Is that because we're thin skinned? I don't think so. I think it's because we're human, and certain connections are important to us.
I don' t think I want to live in a world where we're able to totally accept rejection. Handling these things with a total lack of emotion indicates that social media isn't nearly as personal or authentic as we're trying to make it out to be.
Interesting discussion Justin. I commented on a similar post regarding Twitter lists earlier (coincidentally also authored by a Justin) and the inevitable drama over who is on what list, etc. My thinking is closely aligned with Erik – if people get bent out of shape about being rejected, they may want to look at what they are projecting to the world and check to make sure it's appealing to those who they seek acceptance from.
Rejection is part of life. We've all been there in one form or another. That doesn't mean that we should excuse people being assholes, but we can't insulate ourselves from reality either. Look at some of the most successful people in the world – many of them were rejected earlier in life and/or their careers and that rejection provided the driving force to succeed. FDR comes to mind. There are countless others.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but social media rejection will never hurt me.
Thanks for the discussion.
That happened to me today and I was incredibly hurt because I seem to be the only friend he singled out of a mutual group of college friends to axe off his list. We all met each other on the first day of college and I don't understand why he did it to me considering how close we got. I was hoping for a group reunion after we settled down after graduation and found stable employment. I could let it roll off me without a care if we were complete strangers, but the fact that he axed me off only is basically telling me he never wants to hear from me or speak to me again.
Actually yes, I do take it personally. I sent about 3 requests to a few friends from high school – there's a mini reunion next week which I shall not attend based on my requests being ignored. Other friends from the same bunch in high school accepted/friend requested me. People who are their friends ignored my requests. I do not like it. It produces a weird feeling. I have so far only rejected strangers, some friends of friends obviously building monster friend lists, and one person from high school whom I did not want looking at pictures of my kids. I have also been ignored by two people from a group of moms whom I interact with on a daily basis during thew school year. Again, we have quite a few mutual friends. And this makes me angry. It seems two faced to interact in a friendly way and then reject my friend request. Bear in mind that – not being under 30 – none of the individuals in question have a whole lot of intimate details on the site. It is used for keeping in touch mainly. And yes, it is easy enough to gauge this because I see their wall comments on others' walls. A rejection, to me, is as rude as failure to RSVP and/or failure to show up at an event after saying you would without any further explanation. In short, I consider rejection without explanation as rude, impolite, wounding, and, when combined with friendly in person socializing, very puzzling. After all, one can limit what the person can see as regards photos etc.